My heart feels so heavy this morning as a friend had decide to abort her 12 weeks old child.
I had trouble sleeping last night and was dreading for today.. i find myself going broken hearted, teary to anger and frustration
they could and is within their means to keep the baby.. and it wasn’t even an accident pregnancy. Granted she did it for to trap love but so did he knew and agree!
How could they! i feel like shaking my fist in their face and wish that the blood could spurt on their face.
i know i can only pray.. for through prayers there i can find answers. Jesus is merciful but… god… he has killed babies for a bigger plan before.. i lay on my bed confused, tossing with emotions surging
i had half the mind not to give blessing if they wanted it. they dont deserve it do they after being so cruel creating and killing their own child. how dare they have happy ever after, how dare they even think about only themselves???
and then this came..
This is the 2nd time of a friend going through this.. i was angry at the first one for pushing ALL responsibility to her mother, claiming that its her mum who forced her and starting hating her mum. It was about that in the abortion that tested me – how irresponsible and easily that she played the victim of the whole thing. that as of she is that helpless and there was no choice for her when what i see is she choose to let it happened and blame it on her mum to be the only murderer.
It took a toll on our friendship and all her relationship after and pushed her to depression. I was heartbroken and hated how and what had happened. I find myself torn of being their for her and my anger on her which she dont need. I failed as a friend by sticking my values. was i wrong? She called me selfish and till this day i still think about it.
we have made up and i thought that chapter is closed
and now here is another.. it’s strange how i am not against abortion but these two had affected me so much… i guess it more or rather the intention for or after of abortion that is killing me.
How does one balance between your own values/principles vs being a friend? it’s a huge test for me. I cant separate it.