BECAUSE IT’s CHRISTMAS so the truth to be told.. While my heart is full but also heavy at the same time this December. 

While i am still doing okay, the news of others i am getting around and beyond me pains my heart. It feels like December is rather disastrous. I know it affected me too much with insomnia returned and oh I wish I have a fairy stick that with a whoosh and dance, everything and everyone will be just fine.. People will pull their shit and get together like they should right?

I feel myself distancing and letting myself go numb with after rounds of frustration or helpless-ness. And then my heart distanced too. I cant fully celebrate or feel the moments well anymore. 

I pray with all my might but my heart just isnt at the right place. I wasnt in the best with god nor at my best either. 

I laugh, i rant and i kept quiet. but still.. something kept eating me away. I am worried. 

I know i need to let go, i know i need to trust, i know i know i know.. but the heart doesnt listen well this time. 

I dont know why but I be fine. 


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