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Thankful


When May was hit with unkindness, filling my heart with so much. The uncertainty was unsettling with fear and the faith was submerging.

As i shared my testimony today, i look back at the prayer that was the pivot point for me and once again drew strength.

Lord I commit Karen and this situation in Your hands. Firstly I ask for Your peace to guard her heart. Lord let her heart not be troubled and let it not be afraid. Because we know who is in control. Not her boss but You! We know also that You are a good good Father and no good gifts will You withhold from us.

Your Word says that those who trust in You will not be disappointed. So if this is a close door, I pray that You will make it clear and give Karen an unshakable peace- the peace that passes all understanding and that what is to come will be even better.

I pray Lord that You will turn the situation around with her boss, that he will treat her kindly and not be hostile. I ask for Your wisdom in this situation and ask that we will learn to trust You and take each step with You. I pray Karen will know where her help comes from… not from men but from the Maker of Heaven and Earth. So I know she is not helpless even though she feels that way which is natural in a situation like this.

But I pray she will hold onto every promise You have given to her and see that her God is far greater and bigger than this problem. I thank You Father that You are for us and with us. You promise that You will never leave us and will fight for us. So I commit Karen into Your hands. And even as she desires to be obedient to You, You will bless her. In Jesus name I pray Amen 🙌🏼

And 1 month a few days later, the affirmation, apology and increment came unexpected. I did nothing but god did everything. I am blessed and my truth renewed. thank you.

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decision decision decision


photo credit :Sleepless Night Sitting , 1997 - Yoshitomo Nara)
photo credit :Sleepless Night Sitting , 1997 – Yoshitomo Nara

Because of my new iphone cover bought from Taiwan
which i decide shall lovingly cloth my iphone today
i get to know another lovely artist’s work
Mr Yoshitomo Nara.

As i refuse to head to bed yet
as i have a wavering heart to deal,
moreover what difference will another late night be?

I put the numbers side by side on an excel
my fingers couldnt stop
more and more numbers starts to get generated out
more and more rows get filled up

It had been 3 days and tomorrow is the final day

a 15% vs a 5.8% worth of difference
a comfort zone vs a past of a difference
a expanded resume vs a routine difference

the numbers and questions swarmed my head
I decide to google more on my new found interest
and here i am
as shown with a droopy rabbit ears
with a serious expression, seated
just to share another cross point
where my sleepless night is illustrated right

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for the best


After 5 contracts with my current co,  “Harry.Potter” , I have just received my 6th and the figure on the paper was so unexpected! My heart leaped and my eyes went misty (happy tears!), especially after sharing it my beloved cousin and sister was so happy that they cried for me.

My past 5 years hasn’t been easy, just being on contract  itself speaks volume about benefits and stability of my live-hood. And of course it doesn’t help that ever since i join, the co had been doing down the hill with so much bad changes. On top of them, i don’t have the luck of meeting decent or even good mangers until last year.

I have become jaded and weary esp after the first 3 years of increasing R&R yet with no increment and yet my manager at that time expect me to be grateful that i even have a job so lets not talk about any improvement on anything.

Luckily the following 2 years, moving to a manager IC role where i been appreciated and for the first time, i feel good but last year was really rough as changes keep coming.

Despite so, I know i am blessed! At my 3rd year, i know i was lagging way behind within my peers and really lowly paid and constantly made to feel shitty.

I was really demoralized, frustrated and upset as i couldn’t find a better job then a ex product manager recommend me a manager IC role of another business group. That is the start of the change where i truly look forward to my job.

Another blessing is that i met with really good and nice people who lighten my heart and mind and now i have one of the best manager i ever had.

Not because of this pay increment i am getting, I had this realization when the situation around us get ugly and yet she stood in front of us, bracing all insults and misunderstanding just for the team’s best interest.

Now at the 6th contract, with the appreciation that had never given for the past 5 years, i got another job offer within HP.

Still a contract role
Most likely the same pay range
More unstable benefits
Same are of work
Might be of better future
VP that i hate but director (whom i be reporting to) that i love to work under
maybe a better future?

So when i asked one of my beloved what do she think (if i am offered the same terms) and if i should pray for the offer to be better?

Instead of praying for which to be better, just pray for the best for god always have the best for me.

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sinking in


虽然是在预料之内的事但看着一个个本来都心善的熟悉面孔,一步一步的,因为环境,人,和不公平一面之辞开始被染化,我心寒的程度却是在我预料之外的。

本来和乐融融,互相扶持,温馨开心的常景,要慢慢开始变成我最嫌恶但又熟悉的那小人互相背后捅人的难堪的战场。

可怕的是。。这是慢慢,慢慢的在眼前恶化中。

jimmy

我縱身躍入未來的河流
試著一如往常遊戲的姿態
你卻站在過去的岸上對我望
和那些啣著記憶的鴿子


-<戲水>by范宗沛/林海 選自幾米創作10年音樂風景《夢的延長線

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roaches and their survival skills


Today i saw a baby roach at work and i didn’t flinch a bit because this scene is now familiar in the handicap toilet and at least this time it’s only one that i can keep my eye on.

My 2nd trip was to the usual female toilet and only the 4th cubical entered was bearable as the previous 3 wasn’t flushed clean but as i did my *ahem* business, i realize there are bits of papers and strands of hairs on the floor. How on earth did people conduct their business in loo is really puzzling..Or were the cleaners kidnapped?

But this is not more puzzling than how a 8,241.00 million revenue generating MNC can cut cost to the extend that it compromise of basic hygiene (P/s since 2009, our rubbish bin get cleared only twice a week).

Although the advise here should be “dont sweat over the small stuff and focus on the big picture” but the true morale of the story is that be it Xiao Qiang or Da Xiang,be it pest or human, as long as you are one, you get to call this place your 2nd home. ARGH!

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for better thing can fall together


Wise words…

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they go right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together

-Marilyn Monroe

Something shitty happened at work because of ms yucky

It made my trust and doubt took another different balance on the see saw
at the end of the day, people get agitated, upset and things start to get confusing

Once screwed (again), you dont know who you are trust with words anymore… esp when unnecessary drama and lies start floating

it start to became a bit too much
and it is so not worth it

so in the end, i deleted smses, and decide to just “Que Sera Sera”

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be
Will I be pretty will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome will I be rich
I tell them tenderly

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be will be
Que Sera Sera